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this is so sad, i must say
February 26, 2006 / 11:02 PM

josie226.jpg

Twice in the past week Tim has said in his Husband voice that I should quit my job. It makes me a bit nervous, because he only breaks that voice out two or three times a year, usually in response to a particularly stubborn behavior. I’m not going to quit my job, but I’ve got to learn to take it less personally. The other day I noticed that my bottle of 90 prescription strength 800 mg ibuprofen was empty in less than a month, which probably explains why my stomach hurts as much as it does. I’m not sleeping, and when I get home my shoulders are in such painful knots that I continuously have to physically concentrate on relaxing them.

On Thursday I saw the now four year old daughter of this woman for a sick visit. She had a viral gastroenteritis, and although I knew the girl would be fine in a day or so, I looked at her uncombed hair, her dirty sweatshirt and her little face which was a mirror image of her mother’s and thought to myself, "In just twelve short years I will fail you too. I will continue to tell you that you are special, and worth more than you have been led to believe, and you will not hear me. I will probably tell you that you are pregnant in this very room, and it is very likely that I will also see your daughter for her unplanned pregnancy as well. I can't help you." As dumb as it sounds, I almost started to cry. I can still hear and see this little girl’s mother telling me she "messed up again" and see the resignation of her face. I thought I could help her, but I didn’t. I couldn’t help her, or any of them, and I’m not making any difference here.

I’m not depressed, just overwhelmed and tired. Tim and Josie meet me when I walk through the door after work, and when she sees me she starts to smile, then laugh and squeal and wave her arms, until often she is so overtaken by emotion that she collapses into Tim’s chest. Who could be depressed when their very presence causes such delight in a chubby infant with Ed Grimley hair? It feels like I just need to find that magic spot on the seesaw to get my life back in balance, for the sake of my sanity, my patients, and my family.

Seriously though, the baby totally has Ed Grimely hair, and heaven help me, I love it.

Posted by: Suzie
File under: is there a doctor in the house?
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Comments

I would be hard-pressed to stay sad with a face like that greeting me at the door, too. :) *smoosh*

Posted by Joelle
February 27, 2006 02:11 AM

That is one totally decent kid, I must say.

Posted by Solonor
February 27, 2006 06:33 AM

If the only difference you make is that one little girl walks around knowing one person believes she is good and special, that's a big difference. I can't think of a doc from my childhood that ever gave me the impression I was good and special. I would've appreciated if they had.

Posted by Melanie
February 27, 2006 10:09 AM

My advice (not that you were looking for any) is that you ask around the hospital for a recommendation for a very good certified massage therapist that makes house calls. Many have their own portable tables and do a surprising amount of their work in people's homes. Schedule her to come about an hour before your bed time on what is typically your busiest/most stressful day. Have a light dinner, light a nice scented candle, put on some soothing music and enjoy your massage. You should warn your hubby to be standing by to help pour you into bed afterwards.

Not only will this help you relax and sooth your sore muscles, but it will give you something to set your sights on throughout the busy week!

My wife does this (although not every week) and she loves it.

Posted by treppenwitz
February 27, 2006 10:14 AM

I had a job once where I got to that point.. where I tried so hard during the day to make a difference and continually failed and took it personally. Finally, my boyfriend pretty much told me my attitude when I got home was ruining our relationship and he didn't know how much longer he could stay with me if that's how I was going to forever be.

It was a huge wake-up call and I learned that I had to take better care of myself emotionally and physically (because as you are starting to notice, eventually all the stress and worry manifests itself in your body). Needless to say, I switched to a company that had different priorities and it made a huge difference almost immediately. (The previous job was giving me anxiety attacks, but we didn't know that until I switched jobs and the symptoms disappeared.)

So maybe you don't have to quit your job, but maybe you change your job... move to a new clinic.. cut back your patient load or work hours... something to shift out of that constant state you are in currently. Any change for the better - even if it's a few less patients a week, I would think - should help relieve a bit of your stress and worry. I know it's probably assvice you've already thought about and such... but from my personal experience, it really works.

Posted by Peach
February 27, 2006 01:42 PM

Speaking from the viewpoint of a teenage, un-wed mother, the only one who can make a differenc for that woman is herself. But the fact that you care enough to try for her - that you TRIED to make her feel valued and special - THAT is putting the right energy in the world to make a difference. The fact that you even still think about it more than five minutes after you're out of the exam room (because I swear, my doctor forgets me WHILE she's in the room with me) speaks volumes about you as a peroon and a physician.

Posted by Tracy
February 27, 2006 02:00 PM

You're one of those rare folk who see & deeply appreciated all that is good in your life...and want others to experience similar sorts of happy, fulfilling lives.

When others ignore options you provide or advise, which could lead to a better existence, it's THEIR failure...not yours. The only way you can fail people, and yourself, is by not trying to help at all.

Posted by the capt.
February 27, 2006 02:02 PM

I just want to say you are totally my hero. Literally today my friend and I were talking about how stressed out we are with kids and work and you know, LIFE, and I told her about you and sent a link to your kids pix on flickr and said, "If she can be a great mom, wife, maintain a blog, and be a MF'ing DOCTOR we can do this." Completely in awe. It all has to get easier as we go along, right?

That story about the little girl... heartbreaking. I could see how that could get you down. Which is precisely why we need people like you in medicine. After seeing more of my share of doctors the last 7 months, I think it's the doctors with heart that make the most difference, since many have technical skill and read the same journals, yada yada (IMHO). Anyway, keep fighting the good fight and keep your chin up and other cliches that are totally true like that. :)

Posted by shannon
February 27, 2006 10:39 PM

I found your site last year, when you were pregnant & we were trying to get pregnant. Then I lost it, then just found it again through another person's site. You had stories about taking a cockroach out of somebody's ear & about a replaced fish, right? Anyway, I am glad to have found your site again.

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