I’ve mentioned this before, but for the past decade or so I’ve been firmly against PMS. And because I am doctor with training and access to drugs, I’ve mostly been able to avoid said unpleasant female experience by avoiding the process all together. But for the past few months Tim and I have been discussing the concept of a second baby.
Thinking about having a baby is always pretty overwhelming. There are finances and health and house sizes and lifestyle changes to consider in even the best of circumstances. I’m actually pretty grateful that Josie was a happy surprise, because frankly I’m not sure we ever would have made a conscious decision to procreate. But now that Josie is here a lot of my pre-Josie concerns are less because we just like her so darn much that they all seem a little incidental. My concerns now are much different. After having HELLP syndrome I am much more fearful of about birth and pregnancy complications. I worry that having a second child is very selfish, because what if I only want another baby so Josie will have someone to look after her if something happens to us? There are deeper, darker fears too, but those are probably apparent.
We’re still in the process of figuring out whether a sibling for Josie is in our future. However, I’m serious enough about the possibility that I've recently had the small piece of hormone-imbedded plastic that was lodged in the potential sibling home removed. This means 1) negotiations are a lot more real now and 2) my ovaries are in control for the first time (barring a 10 month Bear growing interval) since 1995. Hoo! Boy! It’s like going through puberty all over again! I’m sobbing over Hallmark commercials, love songs… even email forwards. (Yah. It’s that bad)
So, I’m filled with angst, ready to weep at boo and tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. There are no festivities planned, because we took advantage of the fact that I had already scheduled the day off to book Josie’s full Early Intervention evaluation. I had a twinge of remorse when we were setting up the appointment, but when we looked at how long it would otherwise take to find a day that it was that Early Intervention, Tim and I could be at our house at the same time it was a no-contest. It may not sound too romantic, but we’ll be spending the day as a family and doing what is best for the J Bear. And when I put it that way it sounds pretty darn romantic. But then, I have hormones, so what do I know?
